IF You Are Getting Married Don't Read This I Repeat Don't

The name of month December and January should be changed to shaadiember and marriagary. You can see marriage halls occupied and rishtaa aunties in their full swing. Even your social media websites and applications are occupied with marriage stuff. No matter your Instagram, Facebook newsfeed or Snapchat stories. The most trending thing is marriage. It’s time to realize getting married is not a goal or a dream. Let’s see how we will prove it

• Tick Tock

The culture or society in which we are living is extremely sexist to both genders whether you are male or female. A girl doesn’t only have to leave her home, parents, lifestyle, freedom etc. There is also a psychological tick-tock in her brain since she turns 20. Everyone asking when you are getting married? Are you engaged or committed? Trust me, this tick-tock is a constant nuisance hanging over heads. There is so much that you can do with your life. You should study, work, build a career, travel the world! To this argument, you are told
“So, no one is stopping you. Who is telling you not to do this stuff? You can do all of this after your shaadi (marriage).”

• Before and after marriage

During the prenuptial period, everyone in on their best behavior. It seems like a Bollywood romantic movie or a fairy-tale. This rule is not applied to the couple but to the families as well. Seriously dude the gifts, wedding preparations and compliments are only to make a good impression.
Right after marriage, the mother-like mother-in-law is suddenly turned into Cruella de Vil and the best daughter-in-law tag is exchanged with worst daughter-in-law tag. The bahu (daughter-in-law) suddenly sits, walks, cooks and even breathes in the wrong way.

• Dowry

So ladies, how many of you wants that your father income is wasted? It is easy to say jahaez aik lanaat. But it is extremely difficult to implement on it. No one is capable to say that he or his family don’t want anything. The common dialogue
‘I am bringing my daughter at her home, not daughter-in-law.’
Whoever is saying this, do you ask your daughter to bring dowry with her while entering the home. If you are saying, we haven’t demanded anything. Then, let me make the situation clear neither you demanded nor you refused.

• Changing Mindset

The generations before ours (our parents, grandparents) had a different meaning of relationships than we do. For them, it was all about compromise and fixing things. They are the kind of couples who go through hell and still stick together. Or elsewise, log kaya kahengay? I’m sorry without exaggerating I don’t think our generation has what it takes to tolerate and be with each other through thick and thin. The youth, are conditioned to be independent and free thinkers. What you read, learn and watch has evolved us into accepting individualism. We rebel against the system, question norms and think out of the box – that is what today’s generation is. There is nothing wrong with these qualities but perhaps it is these qualities that cause problems in relationships. They call us the resilient generation, well resilience also counts for our ability to move on and bounce back when a relationship ends, so perhaps that’s why we don’t try to fix relationships and work on them the way our parent or grandparents did.

• Pressure on parents

On every gathering, parents of unmarried boys or girls have to listen ‘So, when you are inviting us on your children wedding?’ And if the poor parent reply is beyond their expectations they are like ‘You want to make your daughter sit at home?’ Sir, this is not your business that their kids sit in home or do whatever they want. Even a girl scoring a good GPA has to listen ‘Lucky girl she will get good spouse’ Is she working hard for her spouse or for herself or her career?
If this is what holy matrimony and relationships come to then thank you very much, but we are better off. Every action has a reaction. The culture of measuring a woman by the number of proposals she receives has ignited a strong reaction within women; one that makes them sick to the idea of marriage. The trend is not a healthy effect, and we may call it a side-effect of women gaining too much independence, but decades of harming women’s self-esteem is the real cause.